wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want her autograph on my taint
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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