he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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