why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
