Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
