I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
