Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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