My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
