Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
