i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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