did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
