Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
