if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
