I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
