My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
