I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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