idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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