I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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