My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
