just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
