When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
