Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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