I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just cut my nipple shaving
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
