So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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