her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
