I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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