GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
