The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
