I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
