what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
