dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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