I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
