the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize