we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
