oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
