He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
