The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
