standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize