happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
