just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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