when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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