She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
