wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
