Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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