I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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