I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
