i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize