I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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