If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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