The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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