My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
