I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
