i just google imaged poop.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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