she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
