UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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