As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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