I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
