Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
