I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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