Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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