i may or may not be watching the land before time
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
