Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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