just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
