I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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