I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize