In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
