the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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