I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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