OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
