I will die if light touches me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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