It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
