I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
